Deprived

I know that it is not her, I have known for a fact that she is deprived from the most beautiful feeling "LOVE" and when i look at her eyes I can see the pain she has gone through but it always induces an element of fear in me, has she completely given up on finding her true love, is it just the materialistic life that matters to her and if she is completely in for that why is she still pondering to be shown some love and affection in everyone whom she finds in the journey of her life. Every time I look at her she has a different expression, but with a strong layer of foundation  "SADNESS" which gets easily masked by another opposite feeling HAPPINESS", the first time I came across her, I was taken aback, I did not even want to talk to her, I sat in a corner to analyse what a creation she is and it somehow happened that I started interacting with her; realized that she was lost in this world treating herself cruelly, whipping her skin-off to be showcased as the most sophisticated person around without realizing that the ground she stood was just not that but her self-respect which she had completely sacrificed and torn apart for no reason. All I could sense was, she was continuously and constantly running after a mirage to ruin herself  which in the end will not fetch her anything but an unhappy ending awaits,everything she did was linked to a material, she had high regards to people but she was caught between the two; money and values for life; the latter was seeming to be fading away very soon with the former becoming the most dominant in her. Vision was lost just with the residue of Seeing being remaining in her; her future was getting buried from her own hands, the day is not too far when she would sit and whine for her foolish acts; afraid I am to tell her that these things are not worthwhile for I know she is a deprived child trying to find her ways to dream chasing the mirage. We all get lost at times but trying to find the right direction by arriving at the start point is the most.

What is in “IT”? "The Irrational Space"

A thought that was haunting me for quite some time now and I really had not understood the reason  for it not getting deleted off my memory, it keeps ringing like a morning alarm, this thought has always made me insane and finally a decision of jotting this down was the easiest way to get rid of it at least for a while till I start to think about it all over again; those were the days when I used to see my dad and my other neighbors waking up at 7:00 am in the morning;  complete the chores peacefully and leave by 8:30 am to the factory and return back home by 6:00 pm; never compared or regretted for what they are paid for, a simple life yet a calm one.

Today,  I get a fat pay yet complain on how soon it all gets over; surrounded by all business magnets and famous people but still remains dissatisfied of not having establishing contacts with the most powerful ones, strive hard to have  the latest technology on finger-tips and manage to commit an err on small things; dreams only about being a star-performer; owning a sedan worth lakhs together, just cannot live without having the best food from  lavish restaurants , party hard all night, have fan-followers, deserve the best at the cost of others pain attitude, slogging like a donkey, get treated  like a dog and but manages to mask it with a lion’s face, existence only by a tag around a neck matters and not by the name our parents proudly would have christened; ought to think logically always and there is no other word in the dictionary as sophisticated as “Being practical” that is allowed . I love to speak up and I know I have been a good orator at school won many awards and accolades but all of a sudden I need some jargons to frame my sentence.

It’s all about in accent and not the language, it’s all in the fake body language and not the real respect we mean towards a person, it’s all empathy and not a bit of sympathy, branded footwear, branded clothes is all what matters and not your feet inside, Hats-off to the Pizzas and burgers to have conquered your taste-buds over the food which mum or spouse makes with lot of effort and love. Exorbitant mobile phones with a 3g connection is more significant than really trying to connect with a loved one, public display of affection is he status quotient, visiting malls on a weekend with a window shopping is equivalent to have really shopped something for self or your loved ones, dragging old parents to a place where they completely feel out of place is socializing.

Smoking and drinking are no longer considered injurious; these are stress-busters, a hobby called reading is scanty, it’s now the era of trekking, Skiing, Scuba-diving and last but not the least hiking.

Mindset that is completely irrational yet spends the entire life on attending training sessions on behavioral aspects; preaches everyone to have confidence but still has the residues of fear within him,

We celebrate Independence day every year, but have we ever stopped by and given it a thought if there is any significance remaining for the phrase “INDEPENDENT INDIA “, anymore; it is as good as we being slaves under British; we are striving not to keep ourselves happy, it’s just to meet the numbers, going to work is no longer fun, it’s just means to pay off your monthly bills,  going to college and mastering a subject is not knowledge;  it just means to a job in an MNC; gone are the days when we used to have computers to play games, this is a world as ruthless as the god of death; a whip in the hand, the track is opened to the swift runners, while the losers are shattered in one sway.

“What we are becoming is more important than what we are accomplishing” is an old saying; you are always looked up to only by the values you carry on your shoulder. Before the time flies by, leaving us behind with the unanswered questions we need to decide; if life is more important to us than anything else. As change is the philosophy, so is evolving into a better person. Being superficially modern is not necessary, think modern is what matters. It’s not the world which has changed but us who have changed it.

Nostalgia - "Story of a Mango Tree"

It was like I had a rewind button on my brain, I pressed the button and it took me about fifteen years back, the house was vacated and it remained no more of my aunt’s she has moved into a different place a big bungalow, but the house that stands on the national high-way is still the same and the influence it has on the life is just too incredible. That is the house that stood in pride with the walls narrating the stories of the most beautiful moments spent with my loved ones “CHILDHOOD”, the best thing that can happen to any human-being during his stint here; the mango tree was once with full of mangoes hanging down the leaves; an abode to ants still remains still with the swing we had made for ourselves.

Summer vacation of two months with all the cousins jammed at a single point, tantalizing the taste-buds with mom-made yummy pickles and other delicious cuisines, reading stories from Tinkle digest where the characters like Shikari Shambu, Supandi, Shakti man, Spider-man existed the way they were described in the books; Tom and Jerry, Scooby-doo were cartoons and they were real tranquilizers to lungs, cricket enthusiasts enjoyed cricket commentary by just listening to a transistor with a cup of hot coffee and a plate of hot pakoras, celebrating festivals  by inviting the neighbors and spreading the happiness, best-wishes went in the form of greeting cards with a stamp on it; waiving hands at strangers sitting inside the bus and whistling at the moving bus just to get inside the crowded bus.

I remember a long distance travel just to reunite with my relatives, using postal services to post a hand-written letter to a cousin far away with a sketch of me and her holding hands together and jumping in the air, exchanging the well-being of each family member. The way I stopped the post-man anxiously by hand every time he crossed my house to check if a reply to my letter has arrived; the memories of how our childhood days were can never be forgotten, the way the ground beneath stood still when the word “TELEGRAM” was heard with a ring of the cycle bell from a post-man just to know if everything was fine with the closest ones or not; gone are the days when phones were used only for communication of something which really meant an emergency.

Gone are the days when the old granny from the closest shop nearby called me by my name and handed over a pocket full of toffees and bid me good-bye to school with her blessings, the days when I went crying to school asking mom or dad to fetch me hot food during the lunch-break just to have a glimpse of them while at school, the pranks at school and getting back a bag of complaints from a friend’s mother; getting irritated with a classmate of yours when she spoke to the girl or boy who you admired or had a crush on, trying to be the class teacher’s all-time favorite student, days when you sought help of your friend to complete the home-work by bribing him with a toffee. The way you waited for a friend at the bus-station just to receive or bid good bye to her with tears in your eyes, a small hug from a closest friend meant the world and the spark of jealous in each one’s eyes when the topper of class was announced. The farewell day which brought tears, a book called “SLAM”- “Some lines about me” – did really matter the most to each one of us.

Mom everyday woke me up at 7:00 am, but I never remember getting up so early, but the remembrance of me making her run over the entire house for the misplaced shoes, socks and ribbons still dawdles on my mind, the way I ran with half-dressed when the school-bus arrived and sometimes running behind the bus while my friends in the bus laughed at my plight, the screams that you let out jut for a pencil which your sibling stole away during your absence at home, the way you stole the half eaten chocolate away from your sister or brother immediately after gulping up the entire bar of yours, getting annoyed when your mother compared your marks with your friend’s marks sheet, the way you dirtied your white uniform and expecting the reprimands, the way you ran with a gang of friends with a piggy-bank, jamming-up for a cause. These are the days that are still as fresh as a morning daisy waiting for the first ray of sun, the list is never-ending and the words in the English dictionary are not enough to describe the life back then.

The world then was so simple, harsh words were spoken even then but the words spoken were forgotten but now we forget people and not the words, we need a phone call just to catch up with an old pal of ours who sat beside during school-days, things seemed stupid and illogical then but those are the moments we would love to cherish and not the days now where SLAM is replaced with Likes and Comments on Social Networking Websites, re-union means formally meeting up with friends in an exorbitant resorts, walking means going to a well-equipped gym which has a treadmill and laughing means joining a laughter club, the world is beautiful and it is us who makes it to be and not the technology or logical thinking always. The mango tree that has a swing tied to it still stands still with pride, the memories it beings to me is just too enormous and I know every one of us have a mango tree story for ourselves to cherish, saying this I sign-off. Happy memories

  

“Miraculously Blessed”

I stood in front

of the photograph and shed tears like a small kid; it was such an emotional fit I missed him so badly and just wanted to hug him but I could not, I knew he was always there for me but I physically wanted to see him around which was totally impractical; the imagination of his smile, his mischief, his memories took me three and a half years back, him on the hospital bed like a veg table with just tears in his eyes, the whole picture just got opened; could not tolerate any further; looked at him feebly and just asked him one thing, “Am I Bad?” why don’t you answer it to me? Why did you leave me all alone to face the wrath of the people around for no fault of mine? I just jabbered some more questions to the photograph on the wall till my tired eyes sealed themselves off dragging me away to sleep, all I could remember was I could not hug him and that was what mattered to me during that time.

I woke up the next morning with inflamed eyes; wondering what had happened last night but I could ambiguously remember, completed my chores, and started to office, it was a pretty unusual day, it was gloomy outside, seemed like the sun had forgotten to awaken, it was a clear sky, as clear as a canvas waiting to be splashed with colors; nothing looked appealing to me, I just looked down straight and accelerated my vehicle and rode with multiple conflicts trying to take precedence over each other .

I was just looking down at the floor while I bumped into the head of my team, he looked at me and without a word, he said; I would like to meet you today at my office, please come over. I was a little apprehensive, wanted to immediately know and understand what he wanted to convey to me; I ran around people who I was at ease with and asked few questions to which the most expected disappointing sentence “How would I know?” was a reply.

I waited for about half an hour until my colleague completed the discussion; I went inside; he smiled at me and the first question he asked was, “What do you want to do?” there were lot of things he said and amidst the discussion my eyes filled with tears, the helplessness took over me as I opened up myself with the concerns I had; he stopped me; out of the world there came some words , answers to all the questions I had asked the photograph on the wall “YOU ARE A GOOD GIRL”; I found my answer. I walked out of the room with happiness; my eyes were gleaming with joy, I went out now looked at the sky above; I could see it painted with the picture that I have on the wall in my bed-room. I was miraculously blessed; the presence of the most missed soul of my life was felt again.

A game for name" Heaven on earth"

She looked up for the sky adorned with stars reminding about her mother's blue plain saree with small polka dots all over, she smiled to herself and thought how the terrace welcomed them everyday with love yet her mind was doing it's work in the back-ground braking her from admiring the beautiful scene that filled around her. She waited till he came with his welcoming smile and a warm hug with a kiss on her forehead. He pulled her towards him, handed over the coffee mug, spread some biscuits on the plate and looked at her until the mug was emptied to it's very last drop He noticed her being upset abut something and waited for her to bring up the issue herself. She gazed at him desiring to express her ill-feeling about a person whom till to this day she admired to be a good person but gave up as he pretended looking up at the sky holding her tight in his arms and resting his head on her's and laughed at his own jokes.

The breeze struck her loose hair leaving some to flow on his face, he was drawn by the aura, came close to her and planted a kiss on her forehead while she blushed, moved his hands over her neck drew her close to him while she pushed him away, started to check if his family issues were solved, he smiled brushing her hair off her face and said, umm!yes, it's almost solved sweetheart, she sighed in relief yet she looked worried, and suddenly looking from the top most floor of the building she said, God! this is scary, just look down and you will, even before she completed the sentence she was captivated. He did not like to see her depressed under any circumstances; in an effort to drift her away from her current thoughts he said, alright let's play a game; she looked curious, she was always fancied by the word "game" , she waited eagerly and said, Alrightie! tell me, what is it, be quick. Umm! Speak a word and kiss on cheek, whoever loses shall treat the other with a samosa and coffee, Deal? Yeah, deal she chuckled yet agreed to play the game, The game began, she said a word and planted a kiss on the cheek;for a minute it felt like she was completely separated from all her worries but as she progressed, she ended up with a lot of story than the game, she wove sentences after sentence and forgot completely about the game. He listened to her patiently till she vent out all the frustration and then said, alright it's now my turn, which made her realize that she was a spoil sport, he smiled and started the game.

One word, two words and finally he ended up leaving her cheeks painted red, she laughed her heart out hugging him; tears of happiness running down her cheeks, very late did she realize that the game was just a reason to relieve her from the stress and tensions, she now looked up and her lost thoughts started to regain control, the sky filled with stars looked like her mother's saree she always loved to wear as a child and the terrace that welcomed her warmly everyday despite of the cold winters, heavy showers and hot summers, with him beside her the evening brought back life to the lost soul, smile on a sad face, happiness to the depressed heart and finally heaven down to earth in the form of a funny game.

Love and happiness cannot be defined it only needs to be felt :):):)

Zeal versus age...."The cold winter breeze"

It was a Wednesday evening, winding up the hectic day at office,with the December winter being really cold, chill running down everyone's spine, people on the streets were covered with shawls and wind-cheaters, as i rode back from work to home observing lot of people their way back from work to home to meet with their loved ones after a day long schedule. I just felt the air inside office was extremely cold due to the air-conditioned system till I was exposed to the natural cold winter breeze that almost made me go numb.

The evening looked pleasant with the cold winter breeze drawing a lot of young college going couple together, birds finding their way back home remembering their younger ones, dogs cuddling themselves cozily on the sand heap which usually chased the riders,   the priest at temple performing his usual rituals waiting religiously for the devotees to shell out their pockets. I just looked at all of these wondering how things were defined to be; and wondered if the priest really chanted the verses as they were supposed to be or skipped most of them leaving people confused as he trembled in cold, I moved with the traffic laughing looking at the priest's plight waiting for devotees being careless of the cold breeze that hit his half bare body. The traffic was getting really worse and I prayed the lord that I reached home early and went on accelerating non-stop but with periodic and continuous brakes that definitely slowed my pace.

I followed the traffic till a point, where there were lot of vehicles packed without anybody honking for their way, after a couple of minutes lifting the wiser away from my helmet I got up and leaned forward to check what was happening learning that no vehicle owners made any noise against a car driver who was trying best to apply a reverse brake to go backwards, leaving me dumb-struck. I waited to see some progress and understood that it was all in vain. I kept quiet too as I had to follow the fellow-riders and drivers, I waited for some more time for our skilled driver to apply all the strength and intelligence to man-oeuvre and get away with the steering wheel but to my luck I couldn't sense an inch movement from the time I witnessed the incidence, I was getting restless waiting and was getting annoyed as none of them protested, cursing my fate I again stood quietly turning off the ignition choke. It was fifteen minutes by then and then suddenly there was a cheer from the crowd, I heard everyone applaud and scream cheers and then the vehicles slowly started to move, wavering their hands with a ear to ear smile at the car driver who finally had managed to move.Least bothered about the strange act assuming that the driver being a celebrity, I happened to pass the car while I heard a trembling voice from within the car, Thanks for your co-operation people. I was stunned with the sight of our skilled driver, My assumption went for a toss, the driver was a grand-ma aged about 80 trying to learn driving. I paused for a minute and smiled gleefully, got down from my vehicle but I guess I missed granny :):):) she was too fast while she accelerated leaving behind real dumb-founded with the zeal she had.

Granny grew old only by her age and not by heart, she still wanted to learn driving :):):) Cheers to the zealous Grand ma :):):)

"Wait"........Even the lord waits....

It was almost nine at night when I reached back home from work, parking the vehicle straight in front of my home I wen inside to see what was going on and I saw the TV running without any viewers, I left my bag and wandered through the entire house searching for Amma when I finally found her on the bed speaking to someone on the cell phone, I went close by and tried eavesdropping, but it was too late; Amma had already disconnected the call and looked at me smiling but then her smile disappeared and was replaced immediately by anger; she shouted at once, "Where the hell were you all this while?, Your bloody cell phone is either switched off or never answered", she went on complaining constantly until I asked her the reason for her frustration, at once she said, "I am sick and tired of waiting all day for you, you never stick to your words, I cut her short even before she completed her sentence, looked at her rolling my eyes and said, I am sorry Amma ..... She nodded her head in  acknowledgement,and asked me if  wanted something to eat ..."The waiting was over".

I told him I would be at his place at exact 8:30 a.m., he waited religiously for me under that banyan tree but never went there anytime less than 10:30 am, everyday I made some or the other reason for being late one day I cooked, another day I got up late and sometimes my vehicle troubled me, and the reaction always told me that he wasn't convinced with any of my justifications or reasons. One fine day I managed to be there at 8:30 a.m. he wasn't  there at his usual waiting place, I looked around for a couple of minutes, I was restless, picked up the phone, scrolled down till I found his name, held it to my ears when I saw him right in front of me with a broad smile and a tight hug, I smiled back and he said finally, my waiting comes to an end. 

It was Diwali and I had an opportunity to decorate the diyas, I decided to give away the first pair to my grand dad and also wanted to light it myself for him and make him happy, I managed to give away the diyas but since I had to rush to office I could not light them, three days passed by and everyday I crossed his home, I checked with the lady if the diyas were used, she said no on the first day, the second day I asked her, she said probably she would be lighting it tomorrow, I went off again as I was again getting late to work, on my way back I again stopped to check but never went inside, people were busy waiting to get my grand-dad's blessings, I peeped inside, smiled at him and went back home, again the next day same routine on checking the diyas, I asked the lady and this time I got something strange to hear, I guess he is just waiting for you to light them yourself for him, every time we decide to light them we are unable to. Then later in the evening I along with my friend went to his place, I stood straight in front of him, i could sense the serene face turned mischievous, I looked back and the lady came with the a plate decorated with flowers, placed the diyas in the middle of the plate and handed it over to me to light them, we both lighted them and prayed for his blessings. I opened my eyes and he said, Finally, my waiting is over.

Though amma had a chance to crib about my behavior she just ended her waiting by a nod; though he had a chance to taunt me on my restlessness he ended the waiting just by a warm smile and a tight hug though grand-dad had so many devotees visiting him everyday desiring to light the diyas but he waited for me to do it myself for him. People wait and complain loved ones wait and enjoy, the supreme lord waiting for his devotee was just a surprise. "Moments to cherish".